It’s been all over the press lately – google is planning a new set of emoji’s to better represent women and to promote gender equality. Technically, the complainees have a point, although I’ve personally never got irritated because of the sex of the cartoon. To me it was just a representation. However, I did start to wonder what emojis I’d create if given the opportunity.

As we’re busy working on finalising Molly’s website, it got me thinking that we should make some Emojos..

Here are the top 10 that I think are needed for new parents:

1) Multiples

With increasing numbers of people undergoing IVF, this is definitely a forward-thinking emoji. I’ve been told that twins are pretty much always out of synch and at least one is unhappy, if not both, at any given time. (kudos to those with twins. I love mine but one at the moment is more than enough!)

This could be extended to triplets, quads.. and one to keep Octomom happy. 

2) Her old wardrobe

9 months of waddling around and you can’t wait to fit into your favourite hot little number, right? Nuh ah, honey. Ain’t happenin’. Even if you’re lucky enough to snap back into shape quickly and not need to resort to still wearing your maternity clothes long after you’ve squeezed out your sprog, nothing now fits across your boobs. And even if something technically still fits, it just looks plain wrong now. Short skirts and heels are not conducive to bending over a pram a lot. Or carrying a stroller up and down the stairs at tube stations when no one will help you and you hadn’t thought through your journey carefully enough.

Also reflected in this emojo is the hairy legs and armpits. Who has time for that now? And if you do, how often do you realise you’ve actually missed half of what you were aiming to remove?

3) His ‘n’ Her new wardrobe

Needless to say, most new parents’ conversations revolve solely around these things. Often discussing the consistency and googling “healthy poo”. Pre-parenthood, I’d’ve assumed the only poo on the internet on was some sort of extreme fetish website. Who knew..

4) Her Bad Hair Existence

Whilst at first glance this may appear to be Tutankhamun, actually it’s something most new mothers will recognise. Regrowth, non-washed, non-brushed, dishevelled, falling out in clumps and suddenly lots of grey. (Where did that come from? And in my case, I’ve also got a very charming skunk stripe)

5) His Bad Hair Existence

It’s not just the women who now will be suffering from continual bleary-eyed, bad-haired existences. My other half looked like he had an afro. Quite impressive it was too. You could have done topiary with it. When we started having to hunt around the house to find him when his facial hair also started to take over, we forced him to get a chop.

6) Nappies

Can you ever have enough of these guys? Why not add one at the touch of a button for added convenience?

With this emojo, they’ll no longer be any need to say “I’m sorry I’m running late, but as always, the second my hand reached towards the door handle to leave the house, he needed a nappy change”. Besides, who has time to write all that with all the other juggling you’re doing?

7) When the Zzz icon just won’t do 

When your colleagues or friends without babies complain they’re tired and you take a deep breath and try to think happy thoughts to blot out the expletives threatening to explode out of your head.

The screaming. The sleepless nights. The ‘trying to reason’.. and that’s just with your other half! Throw in a baby as well, and we all recognise this one. The existing ghost emoji just doesn’t do the “haunted, new parent, zombie” look any justice.

8) Your little bundle of joy

 

Probably because his / her parents are shouting at each other all the time, and if you’re my baby, you’re convinced that your parents are definitely trying to kill you. Even the happiest baby does these lovely beetroot red facial contortions. 

9) Pram / stroller icon

Shall we take the car seat? Or the pram? Or the sling? How about the pod? Maybe she sleeps better in the stroller? How are we getting back? Might we want a stroll around afterwards? Will the taxi take us without one?

“She’s asleep.. let’s not wake her. We’ll just have to take the sofa out with us.. I’ll take this end. On the count of 3.. 1, 2 and lift.. Mind the door frame! You’ll disturb her!”

Useful if you plan on meeting other friends-with-babies. You’d be able to quickly ascertain just how many massive Baby Transportation Devices were going to be present and plan final destination accordingly. (If you’re in London, may we recommend John Lewis and Peter Jones’ cafes, changing facilities & plenty of space, as well as Whole Foods & Westfield. What other good ones have we missed?)

10) Breastfeeding

*

Oooh. Controversial. Always guaranteed to upset someone. This emojo should definitely come with options for skin and nipple colour, size and shape to ensure proper representation.

After all, that’s what everyone was moaning about in the first place!

*represents your baby unevenly feeding